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So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
How easily you’re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
There is a special place in hell for people who are not ready to order when it`s their turn.
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
I just called the Alcohol Hotline and those bastards don`t even deliver.
I`m beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers.
Don’t believe everything you think.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.
I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.
I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.