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A jealous woman does better research than the FBI
Still waiting for a Discovery Channel "How It`s Made" episode on babies.
I pack an hour before leaving for a trip but unpacks 3 months after coming home
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
Apparently "Fat Tuesday" doesn´t constitue telling fatties they´re fatties.
Dear Diary, men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do that with pizza.
If the people in horror movies would just listen to me, they would still be alive!
If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw
Don`t you just want to write on some people`s Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?
I`m astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
Technically, if you don`t cut the cake, it`s still just one slice.
Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.
The older I get the better I used to be.