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It`s real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
I hate it when I put on my apple bottom jeans and cannot find my boots with da fur!!
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
Everything is so much funnier when you`re not allowed to laugh.
Walking past a new employee`s desk & yelling, "Do you think it`s a good idea to be surfing porn on your first day?" will never get old.
Today is that day where anything you read online could be totally made up. Oh, wait, that`s every day.
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.
I`m only gonna have one beer. At a time. Until all the beer is gone.
Most hated song in jail: "Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you"......
I automatically assume you`re fat if your Facebook picture is a car
most teens are switching to twitter instead of facebook. noone wants to get on facebook and catch dad pocking mom... if you kno what I mean;)
I think girls secretly enjoy putting guys in the friend zone