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People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
Smooth move.........ExLax
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed," many women still sleep with their husbands.
is deep in thought . . . if only i could remember what i was thinking about
It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they`ll do nicely"
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
Anyone who wastes my time is a clocksucker.
You see a mouse trap, I see free cheese and a challenge. ;)
A pretty important part of being a dad is waiting in the car.
I always hear people say that a dog is man`s best friend, but I don`t even have enemies who`ll look me dead in my face while taking a sh!t on my carpet.
I really worried about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren’t in the database.
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time