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2 words, 1 finger.
My gift horse is facing the wrong way
Don`t judge. Maybe I`m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don`t know.
I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I`m sexy!" Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!
Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
Guacamole is my favorite food that looks like someone already ate it.
Life Rule #17: Always hold out your hand when someone is counting money in front of you, ...just incase.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?
The key to a successful relationship: Tools > Internet Options > Clear history.
Magician: Now I will cut the woman in half. Me: Why turn one problem into two?
I would know if I was insane, the voices would tell me.
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.