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I always knew that one day I`d end up face-down in the gutter. I just didn`t expect everyone to keep on bowling...
I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??
Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they`re in the middle of a race.
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going.
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
No one`s going to do it for you. It`s up to you, to make naps a priority in your life.
I wish I had my own private chauffeur. . . . Then I could really commit to being an alcoholic!
What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep…. And Helium just brings it back to normal?
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
love me or leave me,,HEY!!! where is everybody going?
I hope common sense is the next cool trend.