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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
I consider anything that doesn`t fit in the dishwasher to be for one time use.
This is the third time someone in Liam Neeson`s family has been abducted, they really need to stop leaving the house.
If history has taught us anything, it’s that reheated french fries are gross.
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
My GPS says "time of arrival" ... I see "time to beat."
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They`re always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
Tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbour, but he said he had naan....
You’d think my password was “yourmom” because my computer just told me it was too easy.
I refuse to celebrate Earth Day until Wind & Fire are recognized.
is ready to have one too many!