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People like you are the reason why the middle finger was invented
"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
The final stage of adulthood is when you start saying, "Oooh, that breeze feels nice."
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
Keychains were invented so that you can lose all of your keys at once.
did you notice when you yell "yo ugly" about 10 people turn around
I`m the guy at the gym laying face down on the treadmill telling everyone "I`m ok, I`m ok"
I overheard 2 girls say there was a creepy dude listening to their conversation.
When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they`ve been lying.
"Please don`t do this." - my voice mail greeting
I think my smart phone is making fun of me behind my back.
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party.