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This debt collector was just so surprised I answered my phone that they stuttered and hung-up lmao!!
Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs.
Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
Time flies when you’re having a drunken blackout.
There is always something to be thankful for. If you can’t pay your bills, you can be thankful you are not one of your creditors.
Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
This empty wallet looks like I`ll be laughing obnoxiously at some guy`s awful jokes in a bar tonight.
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
Soup of the day: Tequila.
I learned two important lessons today. I can`t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
If you come up to my bedroom door and find a sock on the knob it means I`m having sex ... Probably with the other sock.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. And the good news is, that`s pretty much everything.
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?