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I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
Looks like I won`t be updating my status today...
My therapist cries "Why me?" for the full hour.
Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early.
I keep having this recurring nightmare that lasts 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.
"Wife dragged me to this theater. Somebody shoot me." -Abraham Lincoln`s last Tweet.
I`m not above slashing my own tires to avoid going to this family brunch.
Sometimes I feel like I get less attention than a white crayon.
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
I’m thinking of leaving my body to science. Even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.
Cars should come with two horns: one that’s like “Hey guys!” & another that’s like “I will end you!”
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
I hear you`ve been very naughty ... Go to my room!