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Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
Dating Tip: If you eat a magnet and slip another magnet into your date`s drink she`ll never be able to leave you
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
Head & Shoulders needs to come out with a body spray that will help repel flakey people from my life.
There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body. Some people are capable of getting on every last one of them.
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
Making fun of someone you`re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead
The nice thing about being a guy is your underwear only costs $10 for a 3-pack.
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
I used to like my neighbors until they changed the password to their wi-fi :)
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
morning i hate girls evening i need girls
I just wanna be the reason your doctor puts you on a new medication.