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Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
Balloons think they’re so cool. I tried to tell one he was leaking and he just said, “Pfft.”
How old were you when you found out your parents were using Santa Claus as a behavior-modification tool?
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer, but you can`t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
Don’t break anyone’s heart; they only have one. Break they’re bones. They have over 200 of them.
So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
My boyfriend isn`t allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.
I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."
Life is basically just a constant effort to not be disgusting.