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Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth
Do whatever you want. And if it’s something you’re going to regret in the morning…sleep late.
Sorry I yelled "April Fool`s" while you were proposing to your girlfriend.
It`s all fun and games until you find out she`s a psychotic bitch...
He was like, `We`re all slowly dying` So I was like, `WRONG` and I threw him in front of a moving bus.
Just moisturized my hands and now I can`t get out of the bathroom. Send help.
Thank you for informing me that you have a stick figure family of 6 and a dog. Your minivan had me under the impression that you were wild and single.
From what I can gather, men hit their sexual peak around age 18. And women hit theirs as soon as the divorce is final.
If I say “it’s a great day to be alive,” it’s because those are literally my only plans.
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I`m pretty sure she`ll figure out that I`m just after my money
Save water- shower with me!
For the record "Wanna do it?" is not foreplay....
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.