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Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.
"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~ Me at McDonald`s on pay day.
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
Facebook is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.
This skinny girl just told me she "forgets" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it`s contagious.
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their keys.
Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission
if I was a bird, I know who I´d poop on first.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions...
The best thing about being single is all the sleeping around you can do…I can sleep all over my bed!
When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
Well after 6 months of my girlfriend nagging, I finally did it, I lost 120lbs ... I`m sure gonna miss her.
I don`t have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!
Not sure if people stopped saying YOLO or if everyone who said it died.
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.