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The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains. Kind of like when I see my wife going thru my phone.
I tried to log in on my ipad. Turns out it was an Etch-a-Sketch and I don`t own an ipad. Also, I`m out of vodka.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
I bet more people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
Well I just finished up some spring cleaning. Holy crap, owning a Slinky can be such a hassle.
If you have no internet history you silently admit wrong doing.
Life gets expensive when you trust a woman that`s cute.
My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.
Sex-ed classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for six straight hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.