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Ok but how old is your child in minutes?
Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things off high shelves.
Does this status update make me look fat?
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
It’s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
My mother is the strongest woman I know. You should see how far she could throw a shoe.
If I had known "cuties" were little oranges when my wife asked me to "bring a few home," I could have avoided these awkward introductions.
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.
I`m hungry, but I`m not `cook something` hungry.
Cocaine dealers are always trying to stick their business in other people`s noses.