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They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone`s cell phone when they aren`t looking is pretty good too ?
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings.. ;)
There’s no excuse for my behavior, so I’m drinking until I have one.
I was getting really depressed today but then I realized double cheeseburgers exist
Karma’s only a bitch if you are.
I`d say that 6:30 is the best clock time, hands down.
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore.
Remember, I`m always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.
What`s the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
Between the coffee and the cocaine, it looks like the mission of Colombia is to wake up the world.
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
Dear Fox news,I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.
I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.
I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It`s useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.