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2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
This is my Facebook status. There are many like it but this one is mine.
Friend: Hey that`s a great truck. what kinda engine? Me: [rubbing the hood] it`s got a truck engine
I’m gonna have to get new pets, I’m running out of passwords.
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of idiot?
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
It’s 2015, why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?
This could be the best day ever… but it isn’t. Again.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
I`m broker than the Tooth Fairy in a house full of Meth addicts.
Congratulation! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air! Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
You know you`ve reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.