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Why are you showing me pictures of your kid if you have a dog?
My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
"It`s cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I`m so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don`t have to go to Facebook today. You`re welcome.
I`m introducing a new calendar system: B.C. = Before Children. A.D. = After Divorce.
With all the technology these days, you`d think they would come up with an Online Gym where losing weight would be a click away
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
Ever been in the middle of writing a great post and think, did I just run someone over?
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
God knew that there would be times that a single middle finger wouldn`t be enough.
I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
Buying an airline ticket is like paying shipping and handling for yourself.
Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes
I self medicate, therefore you live.
Your shirt might say UFC but your body says KFC