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If you need help moving I am one hundred percent there for you emotionally.
I’m classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
Heads up, peeps. There are over 700 fake Obamacare sites ready to swipe your info. Pro tip: The real site is the one that doesn`t work...
The problem with this generation boils down to this one thing: Their cartoons suck.
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
I bet my mom is looking down on me right now, wherever she is. She`s not dead, just very condescending.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
Be nice to your kids. They get to choose your nursing home.
The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as "The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard"
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards