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Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
There really should be awards for getting out of bed.
I hate it when 18 wheelers blow their horns while Im driving, that sh*t wakes me up!
Ever met a boring and stable girl who was good in bed? Exactly.
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
Self-Checkout lanes were invented by a guy who was sent out to buy tampons.
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like`s your idea"
Depression is just your body`s way of saying it needs more orgasms.
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
If only my goals were to be poor, lazy and out of shape.
A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?