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Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
Plastic Surgery is Photoshop for people who go outside.
I`ve been hitting "remind me later" for about the last 4 years on Adobe.
Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don`t realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation.
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
Well after 6 months of my girlfriend nagging, I finally did it, I lost 120lbs ... I`m sure gonna miss her.
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
Absolutely is my favourite nothing to do...
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well...my phone number for a start
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he`s trying to bust a move.
There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.
I`m hungry, but I`m not `cook something` hungry.
How many Weight Watcher points are in an entire bottle of wine?