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You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
I`ll take "who the f*ck would know that" for $600, Alex.
Rum balls, rum cake, rum spiked eggnog, rum in fruitcakes...you know, anymore, there`s more of the Captain than of Christ in Christmas...
In paintball, you should be allowed to use a paintbrush as a knife.
I think I’m allergic to mornings.
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don`t realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation.
Tip of the day: When the cop asks you if you had anything to drink in the last 24 hours, do NOT ask them for the time... trust me
Sometimes the only reason I leave my house is so when someone asks about my day I don’t have to say “Netflix and avoiding responsibilities"
What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what I’m doing.
Why hasn`t anyone written a sequal song to "Jessie`s Girl" ... Where he discovers what an incredible high maintenance drag she is?
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people, respect it!
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.