Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just worked out, I will spend on average 7 years of my life in the bathroom. My wife will spend on average 6.9 years of her life knocking on the door saying " are you all right in there "
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while.
Grabbing a drink after work is perfectly fine.However, you look like an alcoholic when your getting that drink at 6am.
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
Does Starbucks have an express lane if your order is 10 words or less?
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
Look, all I`m saying is that the dinosaurs didn`t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female.
This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: “Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken.”
I swear, if one more person calls me an alcoholic they are getting a high five too.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.
They say 1 minute of kissing burns 26 calories. No wonder sluts are so damn skinny.