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It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
The wife and I never really argue except on where to vacation. I wanna go to the beach and she wants to come with me
That moment when you run into a spider web and suddenly become a karate master.
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
The only instant messaging I enjoy is with my middle finger.
Anyone know where I can get a waterproof recliner for my shower?
People who describe things as “better than sex” are having the wrong kind of sex.
Yeah I`m married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT`S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
My date is in 2 hours, which means I have very little time to fix my glasses and fix my bangs and get a career and lose 50 pounds
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.
Well, I`ve officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.