Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.
Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I`m hiring her as my personal trainer.
When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
"Good for you!" means, "I do not consider you a threat" in woman-speak.
That weird moment when u just say "what`s up " to someone and they thing you`re a shrink.
"Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
I hate it when I`m singing a song and the artist keeps messing up the words.
Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you`re into fitness
Did you know? If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Packman!
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street.
I saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as "grabbing for swirling dollars inside a Plexiglas Cash Cube."
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.