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People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
If I had a time machine, I’d probably just use it so I wouldn’t have to throw out so many bananas.
If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
I know two wrongs don`t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I`m like on 756.
There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced “Haha, f*ck you!”.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!
Being in hot water isn`t so bad if you throw in some bubbles and a glass of champagne.
I`m old enough to remember when having a long cord on the home phone was privacy.
The inside of my fridge: evidence that I’m still not a real adult.