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Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
Just remember, If we get caught you`re deaf and I don`t speak English.
Remember, Christmas is over if you sit on a strangers lap now and ask for stuff it`s because you`re a whore.
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
Day 1. I am thankful that I haven`t fallen into the trap of Facebook thankful status updates.
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
If tomatoes are a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie.
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
Nothing says "under the thumb" like a joint Facebook account
I just made an emergency survival kit. You know, for emergencies. It looks like all my other kits, but don`t be fooled; this one is red and has more liquor.
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.
Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I`m just cooking!"
To any ex-military that live on my street I apologize for whatever messages we may be sending, 2yo has discovered light switches
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?