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I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
Karaoke bars combine two of the worlds greatest evils—people who shouldn`t drink with people who shouldn`t sing.
I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
Corduroy pillows?... They`re making headlines!....
Scientists uncovered the part of the male brain responsible for pissing off women. It’s next to the part that knows how much roses cost.
Do you ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in?
If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!
I’m not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
I like confusing kids by telling them I`m older than the internet
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
I’m moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
Is your drama going to have an intermission soon? I need to pee.
You know, rumor has it that the Mona Lisa may have been the first selfie.