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Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
Never take advice from someone more miserable than you are.
How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
That weird feeling when you wake up from a nap & you don`t whether it`s am or pm or what day, month, or year it is.
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
Go to O`Reilly Auto Parts website and type, `121G` in the search bar.
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
If you can`t celebrate Valentine`s Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she`s going to get me something.
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.
I love watching women`s beach volleyball. There have been two wrist injuries so far, but I should be ok by next week.
I would want to change my name to `Nobody` on Facebook. So when someone updates something stupid it says `Nobody likes this`
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch