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Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.
Next time you take your dog for a walk pretend he`s solving a mystery.
Saw a billboard ad for potato chips that proudly claimed "There`s a lot of pride in every bag!" Hmmm...is "pride" another word for "air"?
No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.
My 2017 resolution is to stop thinking so much about the future.
If you`re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
I taught my wife everything she knows about male stupidity.
Being normal is boring.
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!
I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
Indecisiveness is just mental constipation.