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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
I’d like to think I’ve taught Citibank a valuable lesson about handing out credit cards all willy-nilly.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something
I`m glad the guy who came up with "No means no" didn`t do the whole dictionary
Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.
This may be the wine talking but help he’s drinking me, he’s drinking me.
"Estimated Time of Arrival" on the GPS. Challenge accepted!
If you play my workday backwards, it`s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She`s 97 today and we don`t know where the hell she is.