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Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed Piñatas
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
Oh no. I thought of a brilliant status to update while taking bath but by the time I got back to my phone I forgot it. This is why I hate taking a bath.
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
Pretty soon you`ll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they can`t laugh either.
If you loose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon