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BEER! The official sponsor of hot days!
Always have faith and believe in yourself…well because..the rest of us think you’re an idiot!
Dang I didn`t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
My job blocked the Favstar website and I`m not sure if I should quit or take hostages. Haha! Jk. I`m totally taking hostages.
Research shows that, when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" ... He in fact did.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
I made a salad with red wine vinaigrette only I left out the vinegar and the oil and ok it`s just lettuce with wine all over it. Anyhoo, I`m drunk.
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
Being fat = Lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.
This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I`m not your boyfriend.
I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil.
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.