Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you´re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for.
Just bought myself a mistletoe belt buckle. Wish me luck.
The baby spit up on my Xbox so I had to get rid of it ... I`m gonna miss that baby...
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
Someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
You had me at, "we`ll make it look like an accident."
I`m 42 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night.
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
Don`t play dumb with me. That`s a game you can`t win.
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
You’re one of those women that my mom warned me about…Here’s my number.
Don`t judge a man by how low his pants hang below his a$$...just kidding, that`s a great reason to judge someone.