Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, please take them off.
Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
Explain to me the down side of being under house arrest.
Highway to Hell is a great song because you can play it at both your wedding and your funeral.
Sometimes it’s funnier when you DON’T add “lol” at the end. lol
It’s my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing o’clock.
This sushi restaurant has the worst service. "Sir, this is an aquarium"
When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.
If people in horror movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
Why can`t Miss Piggy count to 100? Cuz` when she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat!
If I were to quit my job today and become a psychic, I would advertise with a sign that reads, “Voted best psychic of 2016!"
Balloons are so weird... "happy birthday, here`s a plastic sack of my breath"
I need to hire someone who will follow me around and just knock the unhealthy food out of my hand.
"Please take a seat" was a bad introduction for a Kleptomaniacs` Anonymous meeting.
The wife has been missing a week now, police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.