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If you`ve never played Tetris, you`re probably useless at loading a dishwasher
Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party.
Rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off of the floor is another story.
Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect already.
This status is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
Scientist Proved That There are more Than 124786534688644478 People Living In This world who are Too Lazy To Read The Above Number...!!!
your status deserves a standing ovation but I`m lazy I`ll just click `like`
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great
Sometimes my life feels like a 40 year long episode of Punk`d...
Buy all your socks in one color - problem of the missing sock solved!
Who can really hear themselves thinking?