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My internet was down for almost 4 mins, I’m ok but the 911 operator was a total b!tch about it!
Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
Ah Friday...my second favorite "F" word!
I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else`s, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”
Dearest Neighbors, Please do not call the police, it`s not domestic violence or a wild party. It`s football season, that`s just me screaming at my TV.
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
bored out of my mind in class i began staring into space... space happened to be right in front of me at the time...
Id explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
I’m in no shape to exercise.
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
I`m ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.
Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend. The famous F word we thank God for every week.