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The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
I drink to make other people interesting.
I don`t know what I would do without you, but I bet it`s awesome.
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
My 6yo`s homework today is learning how to count backwards. Yep, that teacher knows about DUIs alright!
Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
life is too short to think twice and act wise....
The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.
Sign said “WET PAINT” So I emptied my water bottle on it. I’m currently waiting on further instructions.
How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".
The moment when someone says a word and everyone laughs, including you and then someone goes, "Do you know what that means?" and you go "No, not really."
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
“I need to stop,” I whispered as I clicked next episode.
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.
My dog is eating. I`m sitting next to her, staring intently at her, making her obviously uncomfortable. Yeah, how`s THAT feel, mutt?