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Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
I changed the audio of my GPS to a man`s voice. Now it just says "It`s around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
Sometimes I think if it weren`t for the gutter my mind would be homeless...
I`m worried that my guardian angel is a crack head.
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
I may or may not have just "Whipped my Hair Back and Forth".......
Ya .... That Supermoon was OK ..... But I was quite disappointed when I realized it didn`t even have a cape.
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back.
Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight...
24 astronauts were born in Ohio.....What is it about that state that makes people want to flee the Earth?
Sneezing when you pee is only recommended when you`re in a public toilet.
Don`t worry about walking a mile in my shows. Try a day thinking in head.
Cute things to put in a letter to your boyfriend/girlfriend; I adore you. You complete me. Must stay 500 yards away at all times.