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There’s both a McDonald’s and a blood pressure machine in this Walmart. Circle of life.
I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
Are you bored? Head over to Walmart, go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, and then yell very loudly, `Hey! There`s no toilet paper in here.`
Helpful Tip: Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
My downstairs neighbor thinks I`m a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that`s what she wrote in her diary.
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
My new year`s resolution is to stop making new year`s resolutions.
Ahhh, the 4th of July. The day where trips to hospital start with the words "Hold my beer and watch this!"
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but this is just gardening facts.
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.
Hoping that Steve Harvey isn`t the one announcing the winning Powerball numbers tonight!
~WARNING~ I will more than likely offend you at some point in time