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I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
Fun things to do in Walmart: Take the ``try me`` stickers off of the toys & place them on condom boxes.
Doctor: How is your headache? Me: She is fine.
I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to β€œstay cool”
only 9530 days until retirement.
I don’t understand ads on porn sites. like who is ever in the middle of jerking off then goes like β€œwoah! that’s the new detergent?”
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
I received an email from a hacker that had accessed my bank account. It simply read, "LOL".
Old enough to know better, young enough to take a dare...
Wife: I wish we could have sex like we used to... Husband: Do you mean with other people?
I`m not crazy, but I am a carrier.
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
Do I misuse contractions? Yes, but it`s what it`s.
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.