Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
I gave up my Ego, because I am so much better than that..................
I should come with a warning label.
If you`re wondering why you`re single, date someone. You`ll remember
My dentist said I grind at night. I was like, ok stalker.
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
If steroids are illegal for athletes shouldn`t photoshop be illegal for models?
I was trying to have a mature arguement but "look, you ignorant f*cktard" just popped out
What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1
Sometimes I wish I was a nicer person but then I laugh and continue my day.
Alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"
I`ve been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately. The most common one seems to be "You said you`d be home from the bar three f*cking hours ago!"
If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind ... I`d be SO skinny!