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Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.
It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I`m back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat.
Dear facebook, please quit asking me what`s on my mind. Eventually I`m going to get in trouble if I keep telling you.
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with "According to the prophecy."
Do these people in movies who wander off into the woods alone at night not watch movies?
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
Why do they leave folding chairs so close to the wrestling ring? Shouldn’t the maintenance staff have learned their lesson by now?
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
How long are Winnie the Pooh and Tigger going to ignore the fact there`s something seriously wrong with Eeyore
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.
I`m sorry. . . I didn`t mean to stare. . . it`s just that I have never seen stupid of this magnitude up close before
If you’ve been naughty… go to your room. If you want to be naughty… go to mine.
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.