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This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
Sadly, the opposite sex is ignoring me like a check engine light.
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife`s is around $643.27. Apparently
Me: "The only person I need in my life is you." Bartender: "Please stop trying to hold my hand."
I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse
I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number? ...hmm
The worst part of being naked is not having pockets.
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos
The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
Save the US Postal Service. Have the Jehovah Witness and Mormons deliver the mail.
When ur mom Calls and u have a party at ur house you; shut up!! Answers phone you; hi mommy!
It`s a bird.. it`s a plane..no wait..it`s a blade of grass....
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.
Happy Birthday to all those ladies that their men forgot about because it falls on Super Bowl Sunday this year.