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If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I`d just laugh and search with them.
I asked my kid “do you know why we have a Thanksgiving holiday?” He said, “Sure! It’s so we know when to start Christmas shopping!”
I don`t play sports, the only sport I play is shopping. But there`s a lot of walking involved in that. Running sometimes if there`s a sale.
"You`re as crazy as your mother" is the last thing I remember saying before waking up in intensive care
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
Someone told me once that to have more confidence during sex, put in a live concert album while doing it. That way, you will hear applause every 3-4 minutes but I did it wrong. Accidentally put in a live concert album and all I heard was laughter!
I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
Sometimes I feel like a semicolon. I don`t know where I belong.
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.