Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
I wouldn’t have to manage my anger, if people could learn to manage their stupidity.
Do whatever you want. And if it’s something you’re going to regret in the morning…sleep late.
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
Do you know how many poisonous apples I`d have to give out before I was considered to be the fairest in the land?
Wonder if Jesus gets screwed out of birthday presents just because his birthday is so close to Santas?
If you were born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a BANG
Today is the 1st anniversary of the end of the world. Can you believe it`s been a year since the world ended? Time sure flies when it`s the apocalypse.
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
If you need me I`ll always be stuck behind the person who doesn`t know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle.
Threw my back out today reaching for the shampoo in the shower. But I`ll be telling everyone it`s from having sex while skydiving.
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
If I have nosy neighbors, I always like to dig five 7 ft. x 3 ft. x 6 ft. holes in the back yard and every couple of days, Fill one in.
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.