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Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
Sorry I said "You`ll Do" instead of "I Do" at our wedding.
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
Barbie has an awful lot of things for a girl who`s knees don`t bend.
Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts.
Apparently, 4 people die every year trying to put their pants on... - me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
Thanks for calling me to tell me you just sent that email
I just saw a bus that you would look amazing under.
Coffee`s a great way to fool yourself into believing you`re going to have a productive day.
Heat makes things expand. So I don`t have a weight problem...I`m just HOT.
I always try to learn from the mistakes of other people..... who have taken my advice
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea`s TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...