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I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I`m going to be pretty good at it.
Have you heard about the new movie called constipation? It hasn`t come out yet.
When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it ... just sayin
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
Life`s tough. It`s tougher if you`re stupid...
Every morning I check my girlfriends horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
Don’t jump to confusions.
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes...
Don’t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I’ve changed since then.
If ANY of my posts have made even one person’s day better, then there’s something seriously wrong with that person
When one door closes it`s probably because someone shut it.
Drinking Tip: Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!