Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she’s not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!
"We`re pregnant!" -people who don`t understand science
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
Holy crap! I just realized that I´m still it from a game of tag in 1987.
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains is great news for stupid people.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say “Give me the dumbest thing you can think of.”
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of America wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? I`m like that, but with salad.
Why can`t Mosquitos suck Fat instead of Blood!
I`m beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
I dont pay for cabs if I’m too drunk to drive. I find the nearest Dominos, order a pizza delivery to my house & ask for a ride home with it.
This beer is making me awesome !! ;)
People without kids: I`ll never yell at my kids ... People with kids: I DONT KNOW WHY SOMEONE SPIT THEIR GUM ON THE ROAD, JUST WALK!
They should`ve added "Might lose a lot of sleep" in Facebook`s terms & conditions before signing up.
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.