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I don`t hate you, but if you we`re drowning, I would dive in and handcuff a piano to your neck.
My tricks aren`t for kids.
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
The first rule of Women`s fight club is don`t tell anyone what you`re mad about or why you`re fighting.
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well...my phone number for a start
This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won`t understand how many calories are in it.
I`m on that “Starts tomorrow” diet.
It`s amazing how tired I get from how little I do.
If you watched the story of my life backwards, you`d see an incredibly inspirational story about hair growth, weight loss, and vastly improved athletic ability.