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It`s all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn`t know you did that for fun.
roses are red , violets are blue , I got five fingers and the 3rd one for you ;)
People who get offended on the internet are the same people that take mini golf seriously.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Anyone know where I can get a waterproof recliner for my shower?
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
According to my fitness app, I ate a 6 mile fruit roll-up.
I`m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
When I was a kid... No wait. I still do that.
Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
Nobody really dates anymore. You just make eye contact, text, hang out, and next thing you know all her clothes are in your closet....
I have nothing!