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Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
Funniest thing ever heard on TV. "Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver last night"
I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
i spend 800% off my life exaggerating
Marriage tip: Don`t
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she`s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Why can`t Mosquitos suck Fat instead of Blood!
Home is where a man hangs his hat. Unless that man is wearing a sun visor. Then he probably dosent have a home or friends..
Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
I just missed winning the lottery by only 6 numbers.
My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.
My problem has always been a Constipated Brain and my mouth has the Runs.......