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Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
I don`t mind my long commute, I just hate that it always brings me to work.
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight… Hoping to get a PS4 in return.
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
It`s impossible to get a parking ticket if you don`t have windshield wipers.
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
It`s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
heyy lol
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
Last night I got so drunk I blacked out for two hours, but then I realized I’d just put my hoodie on backwards
I wonder if I could get a job as a babysitter if I referenced my Facebook group admin experience.
The only rule of the Chess Club is to hide from the Fight Club.
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$.