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According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, You`re actually a few million years late. That star is dead, just like your dreams.
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes...
You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
I don`t really care who wins the elections as long as everyone had fun out there.
When you think about it, the little old man behind the curtain in Oz was the original catfish.
The woman that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed....
Redneck Term Of Thee Day-Wisdom: "Mah bruther had him some kidney stones, but he wisdom out!"
Even if I were taking a dump on the moon someone would walk in and sit down in the stall next to me.
Monopoly: Destroying friendships since 1904
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle
Apparently, "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed.
When you are not happy and would like to go back to being young, think of Algebra!