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The best nicknames are the ones you don’t even know you have.
"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~ Me at McDonald`s on pay day.
I asked my kid “do you know why we have a Thanksgiving holiday?” He said, “Sure! It’s so we know when to start Christmas shopping!”
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
Just found out that I’m 53 Cheetos tall.
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
Golf, except there`s no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
Momma didn`t raise no fool. I did this all on my own.
When you "pretend speak" to someone in the background while ordering takeout so that the restaurant doesn`t judge your big order for one.
It`s hard to be a good person when kids fit so perfectly into trash cans.
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.