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I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like Facebook in real life.
Is it wrong to put leftover Halloween candy in their Easter baskets?
I don`t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
You`ve got to be twins. You`re too stupid to be one person.
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
Suggested movie theater prices: Adults - $9.00, Under 12 - $ 6.00, Under 3 - $249.00
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot ... I didn`t even know I had a wife.
I will be good today... I will be good today... I will be good today... Yeah.... I didn`t believe it either..
I`m already an idiot, I just need a village.
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
Being an adult is mostly pretending to like wine and saying "the economy" a lot.