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Sent my ex a card that said, "Get better soon." He`s not ill, just really crappy in bed.
I don`t hate you, I`m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
Who knew rock bottom was so crowded?
Group Therapy: listening to ALL your voices.
I am losing Facebook friends at an alarming rate. Whatever it is that I said, is working like a charm.
Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor.
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
I can`t believe we made a movie that is essentially giving the apes a blueprint on how to take over the Earth.
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress so that I’ll have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.
At the Touch of Love..Everyone Becomes a Poet !
But..At the Touch of Breakup Everyone Becomes a Philosopher... ^_^
The first 30 years of childhood are always the hardest.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions
I know you shouldn`t text and drive but I`ve only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I should be okay to drive.