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Somehow I thought growing up would involve more than staring at my phone
I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
I don’t know why Tampax and Hershey have not joined forces yet. Taping a pack of Reese’s to a box of tampons could literally save lives.
The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
Just bought an exercise bike today because my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won`t accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
Who called them expiration dates instead of spoiler alerts
If I had a nickel for every time I`ve misplaced my keys, there`d be a jarful of money I would also have to look for
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish ... I`m not even high.
The hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to fart quietly again.
I give up on life! I have better luck playing Monopoly...or Clue...
My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.