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I love long legs.... Long sexy legs..... But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
Shouldn`t there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is.
The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
If you can’t celebrate Valentine’s Day with someone you love, celebrate it with alcohol and pizza.
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
If my calculations are correct, I can retire about 5 years after I die.
Holidays are a lot of fun until you realize you`ve been dating the ugly sister
Warning: forgetting what pocket your keys are in may result in the Macarena.
She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can`t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.