Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
I love the way everyone who uses hand sanitizer looks like they`re hatching some kind of evil plan.
I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick…My girlfriend.
I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
Do women who complain about never getting laid know about men?
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose – your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don’t have!
I think I`ve finally found someone I could spend the rest of my life with, I should probably get out of her closet and introduce myself.
A guide to hating people. Step 1: get to know them.
It’s amazing how easily “I have 10 minutes to waste before I need to leave” accidentally turns into “oh crap I’m running late.”
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.
Nothing says IDGAF like an old lady at a slot machine wearing oxygen and smoking a cigarette.
It`s like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"