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It’s silly how we spend money on clothes when naked is free.
There’s both a McDonald’s and a blood pressure machine in this Walmart. Circle of life.
My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
The only time I`ve ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.
In-laws the reason why I`d never get married..
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
The next time you feel you’re worthless…. just remember…. your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
Five little words that will win my heart, "I brought beer and pizza."
I eat a whole pizza before I go to the gym, because a good workout begins with low self-esteem.
Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?
I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food´s food!
Moral compass? Is there an app for that?