Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It must be really hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest because I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
My superpower is making people laugh ... Which would be great if I was trying to be funny
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I`ve been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
Having kids is like being at a press conference: "No, you can`t put the dog in the washer - next question." "No, you can`t really fly -next"
The woman that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed....
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
B!tches be trippin ... OK, maybe I pushed one.
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
Printing an expiration date on a bag of Cheetos is just a waste of ink.