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Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don`t get me started on the dinosaurs.
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
I hate when I text a girl "I love you" and she`s like "no you don`t." Like bitch, I just fapped to your profile picture, I think I`d know.
I love long walks on the beach under the moonlight, poetry, candlelight dinners, and having my a$$ spanked with a fuzzy slipper.
Reverse Psychology: DO not STALK MY FB PAGE. YOU ARE not OBSESSED WITH ME...
If you really think about it, "Nightlife" is just a fancy word for drinking alcohol at a place that isn`t your house.
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
This sushi restaurant has the worst service. "Sir, this is an aquarium"
My ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" but I can`t drive a bus.
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you`re into fitness
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"