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Boss: Why aren`t you working? Me: I didn`t see you coming!
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don`t have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.
Why am I not allowed to post anything on here?
To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.
Apparently some strangers don’t need a hug.
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little Lamb. Maybe she wasn`t that hungry.
Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.
You´re never too old to learn something stupid.
I don’t want to rule the world… Just everything within a hundred square mile radius.
Who’s that sexy beast…………..oh I clicked on my own profile again. ;)
I`m returning these Gushers. They taste like sh!t. "Sir. Those are paintballs." Oh. I`m returning these paintballs. Someone ate a few.
I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Turns out it’s just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.