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"Don`t try this at home" encourages people to try it at another`s home instead.
I’m starting to think plates are called china because most of them look the same.
I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you´re on.
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
I recently jumped on the back of my psychologist and started counting...1...2...3 and he was so suprised asking me what I was doing and I answered offendedly: "Well you`re the one who said I could always count on you !"
I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.
I have blank business cards I hand out and call them my “none of your business” cards.
You bring a baby monitor to the bar one time and everyone freaks out.