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"Love is all we need."-Said a wise man 40 years ago. He obviously has never had a computer
I’m giving co-workers the silent treatment by sending them blank emails.
Just used the "f word" over on FB so I`m waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on.
The hardest part about being humble is not telling people how much better I am than they are.
The TV is so loud! But not quite loud enough to make me get up and get the remote.
I’m not stealing my neighbor’s WiFi…their WiFi is trespassing into my house.
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.
This looks like a job for Superman! -unemployed Superman reading the classifieds
Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you`re better off staying home with no pants on.
When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
My roommate is going on a date tonight.. He said he`s convinced she IS coming home with him.. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters.. Now we wait..
On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.