Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Didn’t Selfie Sticks used to be called Friends?
I don`t think I could love any person as much as I love BACON... Mmmmm Bacon...
The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone.
I will never understand why my fridge has a drawing of a carrot on the beer drawer.
Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
Irons are like 1000 degrees, who`s bright idea was it to make an ironing board the flimsiest contraption ever made?
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always like to write: "Last warning, you have a week to get the rest of the money together."
"Goodbye, everyone. I`ll remember you all in therapy." -Me, leaving a family reunion.
If a$$holes could fly, this place would be an airport
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Pilot...but apparently I was too young.
Very little scares me. So does very big.
You know why it`s called almond milk? Cuz you can`t say nut juice with a straight face
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
DAAAAY-OH! DAAaay-oh! Monday come and me wanna go home.