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For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
I consider anything that doesn`t fit in the dishwasher to be for one time use.
I`m hearing voices again. Probably because my window is open and there are people outside talking, but still.
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
Seven years ago today I swallowed bubblegum ... I`ll keep you all posted.
I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
I wish conversations were like user agreements, where I could skip to the end and just agree.
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.
First Ebola case in USA , and the Walking Dead starts next week... brb gonna go buy a crossbow.
The good thing about listening to a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone.
Cops don’t like it when you ask them “Need some help?” especially when you’re wearing a Batman costume.
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.