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Hey parents with teenagers, the bottle of vodka in your liquor cabinet is water.
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
Why is maple syrup so expensive?.. It grows on trees doesn`t it?
My wife told me her favourite position is when i lay very very still for a few hours........late at night....until the alarm clock goes off in the morning.
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
Sorry, I didn’t get your message because I deleted it without listening.
Facebook is like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there`s anything good in it
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
Make your girlfriend scream your name, leave the toilet seat up.
I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?
I knew we were gonna be friends when you ran into that wall.
You`re in your 20`s... you don`t have "haters"... you have "adults" that think you are "annoying"
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?