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Don`t hate me because I think I`m beautiful.
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
Man, that .01% of germs that can´t be killed by hand sanitizer must be some bad a$$ sh!t
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
Without the sanctity of marriage there wouldn`t be job security for divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
Why would I dance like nobody`s watching? People need to see this.
I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
I`m so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.
Don`t get into a relationship with someone unless they love you as much as Kim Kardashian loves Kim Kardashian.
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the self-checkout section.
You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!
Light beer and turkey bacon probably won`t kill you but why take the chance??