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96% of my life is spent trying to figure out when I can get my next nap in.
Growing up and becoming an adult was the worst decision I’ve ever made.
I can’t hang out tonight because I’m done with people for the day.
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their keys.
I didn`t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Wouldn`t it be ironical to die in a living room?
If your boyfriend answers your text while playing GTA, he doesn`t love you. He just died on the game.
I may or may not have just "Whipped my Hair Back and Forth".......
Some people should use a glue stick for lip balm
The problem with alcohol is that... it wears off.
Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
Don`t just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It`s important to also watch some TV.
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you`re finished.
I`m on my 5th coffee, just in case you`re wondering about the "other way" to get to Narnia .