Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I sent one of those swabs off for DNA sampling. Apparently, I`m 50% Crest, 25% Denture fixative, 13% kebab, and 12% Rum.
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
I’m starting to think plates are called china because most of them look the same.
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
It`s Friday! High-five some sh!t!
Note to self: don’t set your password reminder as “you should know this”
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
Not All Of The `Goodbyes` Are Sad (eg. * Goodbye School * Goodbye Work)
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Sunday is Mother`s Day, which means Facebook is gonna be annoying as crap...
That frustrating feeling when the microwave trips the circuit breaker and you have no idea how much longer your lunch needs to be nuked.
Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....
In honor of this years` Super Bowl participants respective States of residence, they`ve changed kickoff to 4:20 Eastern Standard time.
Holy sh!t Karma, how much longer till we`re all squared up?